The Flirt

I've spent the last couple of weeks in close proximity to a man who finds it amusing to flirt with me. I find it amusing that he has no ungodly idea what the hell he's doing. Not at all. He has no idea how to recognize what I am. I'm not even sure he knows that women like me exist.

This gentleman is married and someone not really predisposed to cheating. I think he likes to think about it but guilt keeps him from following through. His idea of kink is having a woman tell him exactly where to touch him. Really. I'm not kidding you. Now, I'm pretty close to him in what I'd consider a sisterly way. We're frank with one another and can talk about just about anything. I get the feeling his life has been pretty sheltered. If he knew what kind of a life I've led, it would blow his mind. I think - no, I KNOW - he's sit there with his mouth hanging open speechless. He's not the kind that would entertain being part of the lifestyle. He's also not the type I would consider recruiting.

As for the type of man I would recruit... I've decided he should strive to be a tailor. I absolutely HATE when my clothes don't fit well. I'd love to dress like this on a daily basis:


After all, Lara Croft is the quintessential Dominant woman, isn't she?

Dreaming

Last night I had a dream. After contemplating what on earth could have inspired such perplexing images, I came up with some theories. But then, even I don't feign to pretend to understand the way my own mind works. I regret not getting immediately out of bed and writing down the details.

I remember being at a large home performing some sort of tasks for a very nice woman. I don't remember what the tasks were but I was outside alot. There was an understanding in my dream that this woman was the new partner of my former Master. I wasn't uncomfortable with that thought at the time. I remember feeling at ease with her but not really understanding what was really happening or even if she knew about my history with Him. I was unsure of my specific place in the hierarchy, but knew that I was not free to just leave without her permission. I smiled easily and was happy to go about my work with her close by. At some point I realized that it was getting late and twilight was settling. I went to her in the kitchen of the home and asked her what was next. She said that she needed nothing more from me that day. I was then overwhelmed with the desire to stay at the home. I asked her:

Mistress, is it OK if I stay here this evening?

She stretched out her arms and hugged me saying: "Mistress, indeed!"

I immediately removed what little clothing I had on and was happy to stay in the home and wait for Him to arrive. I remember being very excited at the prospect of having the two of them there with me. At the moment I called her Mistress, I felt completely at ease and happy. It was a very pleasant dream. I was disappointed to have been woken by someone outside and not able to see where the dream (and I) would have gone. It ended with me standing smiling at the sink, completely nude with her standing behind me with her arms around me, moving her hands slowly down. My mind was racing with all of the things I wanted to do with them and things I wanted to have done to me.

To be clear, I've never wanted to be with a woman. I knew that at some point that my former Master was going to require it of me. I trusted him to know how far he could push me at any given moment, so I was not as terrified as I might have been. Our relationship ended before anything really even began. And to be honest, I thought I was far beyond having any desire for any future relationship of that nature. I've been quite content to be the Dominant. It was interesting that I was so content to be submissive - and to a woman at that! Maybe I just need to get out there and find someone to explore a few things with.

The Prodigal slave

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Jello returns

He is still a simpering mess of a man. I was at first taken in by his seemingly sincere apology for continuing his unwanted advances toward me. It was soon apparent that he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear.

After repeated messages to me where Jello stated that whatever he had done, he was sorry, he finally tracked me down where he knew I could not get away from him without causing a scene. This was not appreciated.

Jello: I'm sorry. I know where I screwed up and I'm sorry.

Blesse: What did you do then?

Jello (looking at me intensely): I KNOW what I did.

Blesse: Look, I'm not angry, but I thought you needed to figure out what's important to you. You are a married man. I'm sorry that you're miserable, but you've made your bed now lie in it. Have some respect for your wife and for me and stop.

Jello: Your friendship means more to me than anything. I don't know where I crossed the line...well, yes I do. It was the night I had that dream about you and called you the next day.

Blesse (for gods sake): The best thing you can do is drop it.

Jello: I will push it far, far down. I won't do it again. But now you know how I feel....

Blesse: (In other words...in case I change my mind. You are an ass.)

Jello: I feel so much better now that we've had this conversation. No one did anything wrong, but now I feel better.

At this point I inwardly rolled my eyes, made my escape and left him. No one did anything WRONG? In one sentence he apologized for his impropriety, and then left the door open "just in case". Ah, my dear, I was not born yesterday. Obviously my friendship is not upmost in his mind. Maybe he thinks he can keep a presence in my life and eventually wear me down? the Colorado River had more success carving out the Grand Canyon.

Sorry Charlie. There is NO room for Jello in this woman's life.

9"? Really?

Monday I was out with some friends celebrating St. Patrick's Day. We started at a particular pub at around noon and traveled around pub-hopping until about 9pm. I had a quite interesting time. I usually don't drink that much. I don't handle my liquor as well as I did when I was young, so I take it easy. I've learned that it's not exactly good form to lose your senses around people for whom you may be a bit willing to relax the rules. I was glad I had my wits about me this day. The men were biting...

The male of our species never stops surprising me. I'm very open and relaxed about most sexual things, but never let that be too well known to those I'm not close to. I know that all of you know how I feel about bringing other people into a relationship. I'm absolutely alright with it as long as everyone knows about it and consents. Far be it for me to judge anyone! However, I'm not saying that it would be OK for me in every situation. I am NOT in favor of cheating. We've discussed this before, no? I will not be party to lying to anyone. Not that I haven't been tempted...

While enroute to a pub, one of my companions felt the need to let me know that his cock is 9" long. I have no idea why that information was divulged at that time. We were not discussing sex. I have to admit that I was intrigued... He is attractive and extremely aggressive. I can imagine that spending time with him would be interesting... However, he wears not one, but two rings on his left ring finger. Someone has marked their territory. I blew the comment off as a drunken diarrhea of words. That is, until he said to me as I was leaving: "I was wondering if I could accompany you home tonight." Once again I am left explaining to a man that I have indeed noticed his wedding rings and am not interested. I lie, of course. I am certainly interested, but not willing to put myself in the adulteress category.

How do I get myself into these situations without so much as a hint that I'm trying?

What's right

Lately I've been thinking alot about what's right. Not so much about what's right in general, but what's right for me. I'd been doing some research on Humanism and motivational theories. It struck me that I could almost see some people's motivations based on the way we interacted.

A while back I was conversing with a submissive that I only "knew" through electronic communication. After a few conversations I knew that although he seemed fascinating, he would never be right for me. It was interesting to see how his mind worked, what he expected and how he communicated with his Mistresses. I noticed pretty quickly that he really loved to re-hash his experiences. I suspect that he cared alot less how the person he communicated with saw him than he did about getting his thrill by reliving his experiences. He dominated the conversations quickly and seemed to always want to draw everything back to an experience he'd had with this Mistress or that. It grew tedious to the point where I would hide from him online so I wouldn't feel obligated to listen, so to speak. He is an intelligent, well spoken gentleman, but not someone I would be interested in playing with. It doesn't make him a bad person, nor is my opinion relevant to anyone other than myself. It just is.

I've realized that humans had an ingrained need to feel included - to be accepted. A rejection of any sort is devastating. Despite knowing this, rejection doesn't hurt any less. Maybe one of the benefits of growing older is recognizing that there's nothing wrong with you because you don't "click" with every person you meet. Nor will you be universally adored by all. What matters is what you feel when you look in the mirror. I have long learned that all of those things I was taught as a child may have no place in my life. Sex is not dirty (in the negative sense, of course) and women who have it are not necessarily whores. Everyone must make these decision for themselves and about themselves. Just because you believe that sleeping with more than one man makes you a whore doesn't mean everyone agrees with you, or must agree with you. And because I like to be dominated at times, wearing stockings and not panty hose and high heels does not make me a throwback to the 1800s. I'm not going to conform just because you say it's right.

Sister, find your own way. Screw what I think.

Creating my own fantasy

Despite what it may seem, I have not fallen off of the face of the earth. I've been working, taking classes, becoming neurotic about my finances.... I think that's about it.

I've decided that unless I become a multi-millionaire, I should buy a house and settle in this place. If I do become a millionaire, it really won't be an issue - I can just buy houses wherever I want and live in them when I feel like it. In lieu of that much money, I need to pick a place here and get on with it. Up until now it's just been too much of a commitment. I've decided that paying more in rent than most people pay for a mortgage just might be a waste of my money. And so I've been putting my credit under a microscope so that by the end of the year I will be moving into "MY" place.

I've attended two classes (that will eventually get me three certifications) and will be attending another in about a week. They are necessary for promotional opportunities, not to mention they also give me a Plan B in case I should be unable to continue in my present position. It is not uncommon for people in my line of work to get hurt to the point that they are medically retired. Being healthy at this time, it will give me an opportunity to work part-time teaching. I think I'd rather enjoy that.

So with having to leave the house and go to class every day, I had the opportunity to wear street clothes, makeup and jewelry. I haven't done that in about three years. It was nice to be back in my power suits and boots. I felt like a woman again. That feeling had been slipping away from me for quite some time.

The last few months have seen no sexual activity whatsoever. Not for the lack of men trying.... I have no desire to have an affair with a man sneaking around behind his wife's back. It stinks of lies and desperation. That is something I don't tolerate in my men. There is one in particular who has insulted me multiple times with his drooling compliments and sniveling. He sent me a message yesterday saying "Whatever I've done to make you mad, I'm sorry." For pete's sake. First: You have no idea if you've made me mad because I haven't jumped at the chance to talk to you on the phone every day. Second: If you don't know what you did, how can you be sorry for it?

This poor excuse for a man had this conversation with me recently:

FB (commenting on a "blossoming" romance): "I had seen him more with someone like me rather than like her."

Jello: "Well, I don't want to share you with anyone else."

FB: "I am not yours to share. And YOU are a married man."

Jello: "Now is this the time or place to talk about that!?"

FB: "Obviously it is if you continue to make comments like that."

I have told him repeatedly not to say things like that to me. He calls me constantly, wants me to go to lunch with him while I'm in class, tells me how classy I look and how he likes class in a woman. I do not care what he likes. He has passed the point of annoying long ago has has progressed now to just plain ticking me off. If I don't answer my phone he'll call me again. If I don't answer a second time he sends me a text. I am not his girlfriend. My god if I have to hear the speech about how "My wife and I are just staying together for the kid's sake" speech from one more man....

Changing subjects... I heard from Porter a while back. He's out of the country but sends me e-mail every now and again. I haven't been on any of the BDSM sites or talked to any of my friends in the lifestyle lately. I know one of my couple acquaintances (the couple I played with last summer) are buying a house, so they'll be out of commission until that is finalized. I'm in no hurry.

I've had a recurring fantasy lately. I am the hostess of a party which includes couples of all denominations. The Masters/Mistresses are clothed to their liking, the slaves are dressed so that their genitalia are exposed. The men in nothing but tights with their cocks and balls free, the women in corsettes just under their breasts and full skirts tucked at the waist to expose them. All slaves are wearing color-coded bracelets to indicate their specialty or what they are available for that evening. The Masters and Mistresses have agreed that their slaves can be used in any manner by any of the guests as long as they adhere to the color codes. No slave can decline an invitation, but they are allowed rest if they ask. The house is large and sprawling with a pool in the back. The rooms are set up for bondage, pain, sex, whatever is required. If a slave is not being used, they are to serve refreshments. As I expected, the slaves experienced in fellatio are extremely popular with several of the Masters waiting their turn to be serviced. There is a Mistress spanking a male slave out by the pool for daring to show his excitement at the party with an unauthorized erection.

To be continued...