I'm still here...

I'm sorry, I didn't abandon you. I promise.

Recently some things have transpired that made me take a step back and sit quietly. You know, just watch, listen and be completely quiet. I have these moments from time to time, and they are usually triggered when someone alarms me or threatens my anonymity. It's not that I am ashamed, but I am a realist. I love my career and NOTHING gets in the way of that. This most certainly would raise some eyebrows in my community. Sometimes I just shut down and go into stealth mode until I feel comfortable again.

I've been working ALOT lately on top of duties still related to work, but not generating any cash flow. I'm certainly not complaining - all of it has been wonderful. It's just that work has overloaded my head. It's easy to let that happen. And with the summer here, there is overtime available and all sorts of other things going on. I've also had a few days of just feeling ill as hell. I'm not sure what's up with that, but I may have had a revelation. Right in the middle of my run the other day I realized that I had stopped drinking soda cold turkey. Now I still have a healthy dose of caffeine every day (there's NO WAY I'm giving up coffee), I stopped ingesting quite a bit of sugar. My body still thinks it's getting sugar, but it's not. But the fact that I cut out a huge source of sugar in my diet leads me to wonder if maybe that's the reason I felt sick for four days. I once went on a carb-free diet and got so sick on day 2 that I threw up all day. My body HATES the drastic changes. I'm sure it's not just me.

Porter has sent me a message or two lately. Nothing really important, just a "hey, are you there" kind of thing. I'm not pressed for BDSM-type company, so I haven't really worried too much about it. My mind has been elsewhere. I find myself craving it some days, but what's a girl to do? Most of the contacts I've had lately are of the desperate "Oh please abuse me Mistress, even though I know nothing about you! Call me at 1-888-555-1234" variety. Good lord, men. Get a grip. It makes me just a little turned off to the lifestyle. I know there are good people out there...where the hell are you??

I'm losing faith!