I've been wondering about our society lately. Everywhere I see signs that people truly believe everything is "about them". Why use a turn signal? I know where I'm going. Why allow anyone to get into line before me? I was here first. Why be civil at all? I think we all have Hiltonitis. I won't even go THERE. It ticks me off to no end.
(Insert verbal turn signal here. About to change direction...) I had a good amount of downtime at work the other day and took the time to look around me and think about my relationship with men in general.
When I was younger I knew how to draw men to me. It wasn't that difficult, but I always seem to draw the ones who were more interested in bedding me than getting to know me. That hasn't changed much, but my ability to recognize their motives has improved greatly. I also now realize that I used to evaluate most men I met as worthy of fucking or not withing seconds of meeting them. Sometimes the evaluation would change as I got to know them, but not very often. I often used to put a great deal of weight on their acceptance or rejection of me physically, and that was a very bad thing. I dread answering the question: "Are you attractive?" - obviously to people who cannot see me. I have no way of knowing if you will be attracted to me. And really, that's all that matters. Who cares what the world thinks? I can only describe myself to you - you can judge.
As for my perception of men....it's changed drastically over the last year. I've stopped caring about particular rejections, not that it doesn't smart a bit. I've stopped focusing on a long term relationship as being the cure for loneliness. I've started embracing myself as the person that most people assumed I was already. It seems that nobody would be surprised to find that I was a ball-busting Domme. That kind of surprised me...I wasn't aware that I exuded that. Apparently authority comes naturally to me. The other night I decided to test things a little on a couple of younger men. They are barely more than boys, but over the age of 21. I nicely asked them to do something for me that they really were not obligated to do and could have easily gotten out of, but two of them jumped to it. I had to smile and chuckle to myself. I find myself so used to being in Domme mode most of the time that I slip into it without thinking. No longer do I view the man as being "in charge". Note to self: try not to abuse this at work.
I seem to have completely erased the power of the male-female dynamic that used to hold me. I no longer worry about whether or not men are attracted to me or will like me. I now see people, not gender. Sadly, I find that it's rare that a man really sticks out in my mind as one that I feel compelled to go out of my way to seduce or even allow myself to be seduced. I haven't spent that kind of time on a man in a very long time. Even Laertes gets only limited headspace - the Doorman a bit more. Strangely, the realization has made me a much more relaxed person where relationships are concerned. Who knew?
So just as I was wrapping up this post, I received a message by IM from a submissive male I don't know in Tennessee who asked me the following question:
"well i was curious do you feel a man and a woman can have a healthy relationship when the woman is dominant in all things? is that possible?"
My answer:
"I don't know if it's possible for all people, and frankly that's not for me to say. I'm certainly no expert on anyone else's relationship. My goal here is to find a relationship that works for ME. But I can't see why it wouldn't work if the chemistry is right. If it can work for a man to be dominant in all things then why not for a woman? That's like saying a woman can't be in combat, or a police officer, etc."
Geez. I feel like a Sufferagette. Why do I always feel the need to remind myself that I can do anything a man can do?? Any comments?
Little Big Update
7 years ago
3 comments:
Fleur-
I think for most people reading blogs such as yours, and those linked to/from yours, this is a moot question.
Those who already seek a longterm, committed, alternative lifestyle FemDom relationship have implicitly agreed that such a relationship can and, for them, the two partners, should exist and work.
I know that is my goal. Within her and my limits. I don't think it's really relative to work roles, such as you mention, as it is the simple agreement of two people to co-exist in a Female-Dominant relationship by mutual consent.
Many years ago, I simply didn't realize such relationships really existed. With time, the internet, etc., as I became aware that they do, I wanted no other style of relationship.
-saratoga
Curious as to why you named this post "Noblesse Oblige Syndrome"?
My understanding of that term is that it means the nobility have an obligation to "give something back". This is usually done through truly inept Public Service. I.E. all Kennedys and 3 of 4 Bushies. Others do something worthwhile like fund museums, charitable organizations and whatnot.
Do you feel an obligation to help people like unknown submissive male in Tennessee?
An obligation to mentor those with less experience?
Anyway, I thought that the first part of your answer to Tennessee was great but you lost me on the last two sentences.
And that might be part of the reason you apparently feel uneasy about reminding yourself you can DO ANYTHING a man can do.
Why not focus on the things that you like to do and do BETTER than all or most men? What's the point of doing ANYTHING as well and in some cases NOT as well?
You listed "be in combat" as an example of an ANYTHING. It's my belief (and I'm not aware of any military experts who disagree) that there are a LOT of specific things concerning "being in combat" where men generally are and always will be better.
Women can DO those specific things like run long distances carrying heavy objects. The average man can run that distance faster and carry more weight than the average woman. That's just the average but...
The real differences between the men and Women who actually serve have been precisely measured over a long period of time. And the differences in some aspects of physical performance are MORE pronounced than the average.
I think it's better to focus on those many many things that Women who want to put forth the effort can do better than Men.
jmho
as
You are one hell of a smart woman. I envy your strength and intelligence.
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