Another change

Well, it seems Porter and I will be going our separate ways. I thought that because he was so reserved, spending a little vanilla time together might put him at ease and he'd be able to relax a little. It turns out that we have relatively little in common with one another outside of this lifestyle. I was also rather disappointed in his handling of last nights situation.

After returning from going out, Porter asked if I would be angry if he just went home. I wasn't feeling up to a scene with him anyway, so I said no, I didn't mind. He took off like a shot. I had been feeling fairly uncomfortable in a vanilla setting with him anyway, so I wasn't upset. I was, however suspicious. He has been extremely secretive with me about himself and that made me uncomfortable as well. This morning he sent me a message and I asked him point-blank if he was interested in keeping this going or if he wanted to quit. I had looked to his blog for answers as to what was going on and discovered it has been deleted. Because of this, I knew he was lying to me when he said he would "need a break". After needling him a bit, I found that he was uncomfortable in the vanilla world with me and thought I was looking for more of a relationship, vanilla AND BDSM. Although he's right, I'm certainly not looking for it from him. He has too many issues for me to make him mine. I would not even consider collaring him right now - and I can't even see that in the distant future. My goal with him was to let him explore this lifestyle in a safe way with me, while I explored my dominant tendencies. I decided that yes, I am angry with him. Instead of telling me what is on his mind, he lied to me. This is not something I am willing to put up with. *sigh* No matter. My only happy thought about this is that I did get to take the hairbrush to his ass before we went out. It hurt far more than the crop evidently. He said his ass is still purple. I'd like to say I'm sorry, but...

This situation has definitely made me question my abilities to be a Domme. Unfortunately I DO care if my male partner is satisfied, and I do care about their comfort and feelings. Maybe being submissive is truly my calling. I'm not sure of anything right now, so I think I'll take a break myself.

Training Opportunity

Today began beautifully. A nice, easy run in 45 degree temps, birds singing, the river full of the rain of the last few days. It promises to be a gorgeous day.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been communicating with a FemDom couple who are married. I will call her Miss D. She originally contacted me to help her train her submissive husband. In the interest of getting to know them, I've had several chats both online with him and over the phone with her. He took things WAY too far and made her angry, so she forbid him to contact me. So far he's complied, but he's been throwing temper tantrums and pouting all week. Without him knowing she has continued to communicate with me through the phone and email. Last night she contacted me to let me know that he'd finally caved in. She whipped him friday night and took away his internet priveledges - and he promptly disobeyed and went online without her permission. This man is the equivalent of an overindulged child. His wife and I will be having lunch together today - without him, and that is just killing him. She fully intends to take the internet cable with her when she leaves the house too. I thought that was delicious!

Miss D and I have discussed having me come and spend the evening with the two of them for the express purpose of taking the cane to her brat of a husband while she taunts him. She knows (and he does as well) that her discipline of him has been tempered by her feelings for him. Since I am objective, I will not be as easy to manipulate. Porter and I discussed the arrangement and he expressed an interest in being present for this scene. I told him I would discuss him with Miss D and see how she felt about it. I asked Porter how he would feel about servicing me in front of this other sub, and possibly servicing the sub's wife as well. He tells me he will do whatever I wish. Which I believe in his noncommittal way of expressing himself means "HOORAY!!" I asked only to guage his reaction, and not because I intend to follow through. We will take everything as it comes. I will not put him in a position that will make him uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, I am considering keeping him away from others until I can read him better or he learns to express himself more freely. The last thing I want to do is truly hurt him, mentally or physically.

Porter and I are meeting tonight, and I hope to have pictures to post by tomorrow evening. He made the mistake last night of telling me "i'll do whatever you wish of me". When I told him to be careful what he wished for, he replied "try me".

He wil learn quickly not to challenge me.

Porter's Backside

How can I resist this? I so look forward to putting him over my knee Sunday...

Spring springs

It's been a nice, quiet week. The weather has been warm and birds are building a nest in my birdhouse.... Spring is finally here.

Newcomer and I have had a chat. He discovered that he does not relish the role of sub. This is fine, since my initial feeling of dominance with him quickly evaporated. I could feel his desire to dominate when we were together, and it made me hesitant. And it tends to bring out the sub in me as well... We have agreed to be friends and maybe play from time to time, but he really needs to settle in and get a routine going first.

Porter and I chat every evening. We are to meet Sunday for our first overnight visit. I decided to take him to the movies with me. We are going to a movie that has been out for a bit and it will be a sunday night, so I don't expect too many people in the theatre. This may present an opportunity for a little subtle play in public. He has been instructed to wear shorts (if weather permits) and no underwear. I am still deciding whether to have him wear the plug while we're out. He expressed the fear that it may fall out, and with no underwear on that would be embarassing. I offered to let him wear some lace panties I have here if he is that afraid. Such torment for the little boy.

I have decided that Porter should experience discipline at each visit. Discipline will no doubt be pleasant for him, even if it is a bit painful. He is excited at the idea. The truly painful will be reserved for punishment. He asked if he should remove his clothing at the door on sunday, but I told him that we won't have alot of time before the movie. He will come in, pull his shorts down about his knees, and lay himself over my lap. I've decided the hairbrush will warm his ass enough to remind him that our "date" still requires him to be vigilant.

Porter has a terrible time opening up when we are together. He has little trouble telling me things when we chat online, but can't express his feelings face to face. In the interest of bringing him out, I have decided that he may have certain priveledges, but only if he asks for them. He will pay for them with lashes from the crop - just so that he does not think he is "entitled" to any of them just because he asks. Small priveledges such as kissing will carry a light price, but larger ones will be expensive. The idea appeals to him and he has agreed. I intend to tease him mercilessly until he abandon's his shyness and asks for what he wants.

I am very much looking forward to Porter's next visit. I have been shopping online and have a list of things I want to purchase. I have my eye on a pretty little strap-on for my little boy.

And as for the one Master who captured my interest... We keep missing each other. I have not heard from him in a bit. I am still very suspicious that his marital status is not what he stated it was. Maybe I'm looking too far into it. It's too bad. I need a little discipline myself....

Porter's Demise

My first session on Sunday with Porter went very well. It was the first time I'd really taken control and felt like I actually had it. He is a true submissive.

I have asked Porter to keep a blog so that I may better understand his mental and emotional process. He does not react, nor does he show much emotion, so it's hard to tell what goes through his mind. He has promised to work on showing me more. I read his blog yesterday and was pleasantly surprised. There were a few things I was perplexed about that he cleared up for me. There were reactions I expected from him that he did not provide. He was desperately trying to not do anything but what he was told. He was a good boy.

Porter and I took it easy. I chatted with him for a bit about other things, trying to make him comfortable so he would relax. We started playing with stripping him, then inspecting him. He spends alot of time outdoors and is fairly slim. He has a very nice ass and a very pretty cock. He was appropriately shaved. I have a chair in the living room that I placed a few pillows on to make him comfortable as I bent him over it and spread his legs wide. I rubbed him down with a small amount of baby oil - it makes punishment sting just a little more. I delivered quite a few strong blows on his ass with the crop. True to his word, he made few sounds. I had to give him a few in a row just to get a gasp out of him. At one point he raised up on the balls of his feet, so I knew the blows had found their mark. And just so you don't think me too cruel, we worked out a safe word beforehand. By this time Porter's ass was striped red, bordering on purple. I stopped and rubbed him down again. With a gloved hand and some lube, I explored his ass, slowly putting a finger in. I got out a penis-shaped butt plug and tried to insert it. Porter hasn't had anything up his ass for a while, so he needed to stop and relax before I could get all 4" into his ass. It's designed to stay in once there, so he wore it for the rest of our time together.
I asked Porter how his ass felt. He told me it no longer hurt. I then replied that if that were the case, I needed to make sure he remembered the experience by giving him a few more lashes. This time he visibly clenched his ass. I waited for it to relax before I left a few more red stripes on his ass, not pausing between them as I had before. I believe I gave him just enough to think about there.

I did not make the scene all pain though. I allowed him to serve me as he wished (but NO actual sex), something he very much enjoyed. I was pleased with his performance and did allow him to masturbate onto a plate. I did not make him taste his cum this time, but he know's it's coming. Once he was done, I allowed him to wash up, but made him leave the smell of my sex on his face to remember the night by.

The following is an excerpt from Porter's blog:
"after the session i got in my car and drove back home. i was very conflicted during the drive wondering why i had done what i just did. i alternated betweeen saying that i would never do that again, to saying that i can't wait to do it again. but, my overriding feeling was that i would probably not visit M again and i would try to erase these desires from my head.

approximately three hours later, i caught myself online, trying to reach M.

a day later, i caught myself getting hard just thinking of the session and M. i also know today that i can't deny my desires and i will see M as long as she allows me to. i can't wait for the next visit."

The boy is set free.

It Begins

I gave Porter a new assignment. He was to start a diary. One of his own where he could outline his desires, needs and experiences with me. I also told him that I did not want him to masturbate again until we met. I never received a reply, so I sent another message. A gentle, yet firm reminder that if I'd asked too much that he should have at least let me know. I got a very frantic reply saying that he'd missed my email and would complete his assignment as soon as he could.

Porter has been extremely evasive about meeting. He gets feet so cold they could chill the ocean. I finally got him to meet me tonight. He's really very nice. Once I got him to loosen up, he was very congenial. We talked about more mundane things before getting into the lifestyle conversations. When we did broach the subject he seemed to talk easily. I told him to let me know if he's like to proceed. The answer was a resounding "YES"! Porter's lessons begin tomorrow.

Newcomer and I got together last night. I arrived at his hotel and he arrived shortly thereafter. We chatted for a bit and then lounged on one of the beds. I had him lay his head on my chest as we talked for a bit. We talked about his waxed cock and balls and I asked to see them. Just beautiful. His cock is large and doesn't shrink all the way down when soft. It's about 4" and thick when SOFT. *sigh* Lovely. We talked and I stroked his cock for a bit. Took his hand and guided it to in between my legs and then made him lick his fingers. I asked if he liked it and he did. I asked if he wanted more, and he did. I told him to go ahead and bury his face in my pussy, licking until I'd cum. He was still in a shirt and jeans with his cock and balls hanging out. After a bit I told him to strip naked and commence his licking. It was the first time I'd had my ass licked too. Very nice.

I allowed Newcomer back up onto the bed. His cock was dancing it was so hard. I asked if he wanted to cum. He did. I made him masturbate for me to watch. The man makes an abnormal amount of cum. It's freakish. His distance was amazing too.

We got dressed and went to dinner. We were both exhausted, so we went right back to the hotel. He undressed as he was instructed and laid on the bed. I blindfolded him and laid him on his stomach. I spread his legs and took the flogger out. I lightly brushed the flogger over his balls and then brough it down hard several times on each cheek. He wimpered and moaned, but I didn't make it too hard on him. I made him roll over and spread his legs wider. I put a latex glove on one hand and lubed a finger. I slid my gloved finger in his ass, pumping it as if it were a cock. He became hard as a rock. I tied off his hard cock and proceeded to tease him and lick his balls. After teasing him for a while, I put a condom on him and rode him. I allowed him to cum again. I think that's where it happened.

The air seemed different the next morning. Newcomer no longer acted as if he desired to have me around. I took the hint and left. Lesson Number 1: Take care that you choose men who aren't pretending to be sub to get a cheap ride.

I have been talking with a married couple with a dominant wife. They are looking for a woman to help torture the husband. He was a virgin when married. His wife is free to do anything she wants, but he must wear a chastity device. She absolutely does not want a woman to have sex with her husband, but want him to see other attractive women and want them knowing he can't have them. He is salivating in the hope of meeting me apparently. He likes to be spanked and teased. He loves to be humiliated. I gave her a few ideas for her to try, such as licking up his own cum. She said he was sitting there watching her talk to me, getting a hard-on trying to guess what it was we were talking about.

Poor baby, he'll soon find out.

A lost submissive

So. You want to know about Porter, don't you?

Porter is a seemingly nice young man with a serious identity issue. He is currently separated from his wife because of his interest in this lifestyle. She cannot handle it and he cannot forget about it. He has only had one RL experience and that was with a professional Domina. The experience left him disappointed. It may be the relatively impersonal way she handled it - though not really her fault. Although she addressed his need to be dominated (without sex), she addressed none of the emotional ones. Since I know this boy has owned a chastity device, he seems to be looking for more. He has made it clear that he would love to be a collared slave. We are meeting for coffee sunday to see how we get along. I'm taking this one with a grain of salt. I may be willing to play, but even the idea of collaring him is FAR off. But his body is impeccable. A very nice ass indeed.

Porter is simply quite easily aroused. Monday I spent some time chatting with him and had him describe what he would want our first physical introduction to be like. He does not seem to be shy about the lifestyle. He seems to be very focused and willing to try anything I can throw at him. We spent some time developing that fantasy as he maturbated. Last night, because I could not spend the time chatting with him, I gave him an assignment. I asked him to masturbate three times. The first two he was to bring himself to the brink of orgasm, then stop and let himself go soft. The third time he was allowed to cum. When he was finished, he was to write down what he did, how he did it, and how he felt. I expected the email to be in my in-box by the time I arrived home. He did a very good job. He found that it took him longer to arrive at his point of orgasm the third time, but he had a very strong orgasm.

Porter is starved for control. I get the feeling that giving him assignments, requiring him to do small tasks arouses him as much as touching him physically would do. He has also committed his first infraction. He asked about my sexual activities for the day. He will learn quickly, but I don't expect either him nor Newcomer to be instantly perfect. Sometimes I wonder if they let these things "slip out" in the hopes it will get their asses tanned. I'm happy to oblige.

I have told Porter that he will be given a new assignment tonight. I'm not sure what I'm going to have him do this time. Any suggestions??

A Master and two slaves

So much to tell you....

I met Nightengale for the first time sunday night. I managed to be where he works for a short time (purely by coincidence), so I called and left a message that I was there. He came down to see me, walking right past me the first time. I called after him and he stopped to chat for a bit. He wasn't exactly as I thought, and he isn't someone I would have noticed had I met him casually. But knowing who and what he is before meeting him, I was still intrigued. He had a way of looking at me that made me feel like he was trying to crawl into my head. He was searching my expression, trying to read my body language. It made me pleasantly uncomfortable.

Both Nightengale and I get off of work at the same time. When I got home monday morning, I sat down to relax and he IMed me. He ended up calling me and spending an hour on the phone having what can only be described as a long-distance control session. By the time he was done with me, I was calling him "Sir" and begging him to let me cum. I have never felt so completely satisfied by someone on the other end of a phone. It makes me look forward to our next meeting. I sent him an e-mail thanking him, but he has not contacted me yet. I'm wondering if he's building the tension between us, or if he truly is hiding something. I'm still a bit suspicious.

In the interest of not putting all of my eggs in one basket, I went to meet Newcomer last night. It was a long drive for me, but a very nice evening. He is in a hotel until next monday when he moves into his apartment. I went to the hotel and picked him up and then we went for dinner at an Irish pub. The food was really very good, the beer was wonderful, and there was live Irish folk music playing. His company was very nice. We talked easily and he was enjoyable to be around. My general impression was that I will be the dominant one in this relationship. This morning we chatted a bit and he agrees. We're going to take it slow as neither of us is very experienced in those roles.

Newcomer seems excited at the prospect of my ownership of his cock and balls. He has already made plans to have all of his pubic hair waxed off, including his balls. In his excitement, he asked when I would be arriving to give him his first inspection, an inappropriate question indeed. He will be punished for his insolence. He told me his ass is already burning in anticipation of the spanking he will receive.

I have told Newcomer that he is not allowed to cum unless he asks my permission first, something he does willingly. He immediately asked if he could cum this morning. I allowed it. This afternoon I went shopping and procured the following: two butt plugs, a broad wooden hairbrush, a riding crop, a feather duster, a webbing strap, neoprene cock rings, and a blindfold. I already have a small flogger and a couple of dildos to play with. I have decided that initially I will leave his hands free. He will have to learn to keep them where I tell him to. He will be sending me his schedule for the next two weeks since he is not allowed to ask me when I will be visiting. I have already decided his first inspection will be on friday evening. I was planning to blindfold him immediately, make him strip naked and inspect him. I may have him take me out to dinner first. Let him build up the anticipation until he's so excited he can't stop himself from being continually hard. Such delicious agony.

There is a third party now. A submissive little boy (figuratively speaking, he's 33) I'll call Porter. But I've given you so much today already. More on him tomorrow.....

Update

It's been a very busy week. I finally took my last exam and am waiting impatiently to see if I passed it. It is the final hurdle to my promotion. And what a relief that is.

After a few days of being out of contact, I have chatted with both Nightengale and Newcomer (who is back on US soil now). My mind and body are leaning heavily toward Nightengale. He exudes a presence even when he is speaking to me by IM. I had no idea how much I craved the hand of a strong man until this one came along. I have put the next move in his hands. We are supposed to meet for coffee, maybe tomorrow morning. He offered to call me last night, but I declined. His intent was to "put me to bed properly", but it's too early to start that. I want to see what our chemistry is like in person.

Newcomer will be here in the area sunday and is already asking when we can meet. Maybe coffee with him as well. We'll see. I may be surprised and like both or not like either. That would be a sad day indeed. In either case, I'd like to find out. I'm in dire need of something carnal. I'm starting to feel like a caged animal. Work is going well, but the burden of responsibility is increasing. Once the results of this last exam are in, my level of responsibility reaches it's height. If the week I've had is any indication of what's to come, I will need to find relief in my off hours.

What I really seem to need is someone to nap with, cuddle with. Someone to keep me in bed all day while they try all manners of drving me insane without allowing me to cum. You know, in between turning me over their knee and turning my ass pink.

*Sigh*

A New Me

Today is Easter, a time of new beginings. It seems appropriate to start anew today.

Two new men have entered the edges of my consciousness. Both sent me gentlemanly requests for an introduction. Usually a well-written and respectful note will get answered, but these stood out.

The first is Nightengale. He is a Dom, well-educated with a career that complements mine. He can understand what I do for a living and will be a good resource for support. He is tall, 6'2", which is nice. He is also very psychologically inclined which is even nicer for me. He prefers to conquer the mind first, allowing for intellectual intimacy before physical. He is well written and intelligent. In chatting online with him today, I found myself actually craving the hand of a master again. He was working magic - quite a coup for him. Not that I would let him know it, of course. I have made it clear that I am interested in moving slow and letting things develop as friends first. We should be meeting soon, so time will tell. He's a good candidate to be my next master if the chemistry is as good in person.

The second man is Newcomer. Newcomer is an American returning this month from four years in Europe. He is also intelligent and well-written. The difference here is that he is a Switch. Switches are new to me. I am considering it because it allow me to explore my Domme side without the full burden of responsibility. I don't have to be in charge all the time. I can do this one of two ways. I can seek a master AND a slave, or just one: a switch. Newcomer can toggle between the two fairly well when we chat. He has expressed an interest in wearing a chastity device for me (with the only key around my neck) and allowing me to bend him over and cane his sweet ass. The chastity device is interesting to me. He will not be able to so much as have an erection without my permission - the device will not allow it. This means he will also have to have permission to masturbate. He is also not opposed to having me fuck him in the ass with a strap-on while I stroke his cock until he cums. There's something quite humbling for a decidedly heterosexual man to cum while someone fucks him in the ass. He also seems to be comfortably dominant as well. He is 6'1" and will have no trouble at all putting me over his knee. We talked about abduction scenarios as well as having me bound to the bed for a weekend, only being allowed to use the bathroom with permission. He would have to feed me and would use me as he saw fit. Delicious thoughts. It will be interesting to explore that.

In any case, my thoughts wandered to actually getting both of these men out into a social situation and introducing them to each other. For a moment I had a vision of sitting between them in a darkened bar with only the couple of feet of black cotton of my dress separating us. Of the shock caused by patrons seeing me kissing or fondling both at the same time, or they me.

Mmmm. My libido returns with a vengeance!