Dry spell

I've been inactive lately. No sex, no games. It's been a busy and stressful summer so far. Work is making me sick, I fear. It seems like very often I become violently ill the day after I work. This didn't happen for the first year. I'm beginning to wonder if it has something to do with the buildings I've been working in lately. Maybe a mold issue. I've become a little weary of spending almost 24 hours after I work kneeling in front of the loo.

As for the no sex, no games...well, the situations are not presenting themselves. Nightengale has decided that he can't even be polite enough to answer me, which I find horrifically rude. I told him that his lack of common courtesy solidifies my deduction that he is not worth knowing, let alone serving. Suits me fine since I haven't been in a serving mood for quite some time. Newcomer has been out of touch. I'm not really all that worried about it - bad fit and all. It was nice to get a little attention every now and again, but he tends to linger way too long. I need my space. Porter is out of town for a few weeks doing some training. He popped into IM a couple of times before he left and assures me he'll contact me when he gets back. I haven't logged into IM in a while, so I have no idea who has been around. I'm not worried - I'm just not one of those people who can be "on" all the time. I am much more than the sum of my parts and I like it that way. Too much of one thing makes me feel just a bit like a nut.

Now Laertes....ahhhh Laertes. I saw him tuesday. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his cheek. I was sitting in a chair finishing some paperwork and chatting with coworkers. I had my left hand on the back of the chair and he made sure he walked by and grazed his gorgeous bottom against it. I called him a dirty boy, but I would have liked to take him somewhere and strip those awful trousers off of him and admire his physique in the form it came into the world. *sigh* I felt my libido stir ever so slightly. I quickly extinguished any thoughts and sent it back into hibernation.

I had a wonderful dream last night. I was standing in a alley somewhere and the love of my life was there with me, except he was entirely nude. I was dressed. We just stood there, holding each other, not talking. The dream was so life-like that I remember the smell of his skin, my lips on his shoulder and neck and the feel of his erection against me. We never spoke. My alarm rudely awakened me and I wanted to cry. There are days I miss him so much. I haven't seen him or heard from him in many years. Not since I told him he could not expect me to love him and still date at home while waiting for his quarterly visit. I told him to stay away unless he was ready to be with me. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I wonder where he is now. Last I heard he was in South America.

I'm starting to think that short, uncomplicated friendships would be alot more lucrative than trying to find a relationship. As a matter of fact, I've almost given up on love. There is a glimmer of hope, but only a glimmer. I hate to say it, but I might just be happier this way.