It's been a blessedly cool and rainy day here in "Hun"land. I know my plants needed a good soaking and the remnants of tropical storm Barry obliged. Thank you, Barry!
I was reading some of Emma Kelly's blog posts today and came upon this one on the subject of female Doms not having sex with their submissives. This was of great interest to me. When I was informed some months ago that Dommes did not usually have sex with their subs, I was shocked! I spent some time as a submissive and was used sexually however and whenever my master deemed it necessary for his enjoyment. Am I not to enjoy myself as a Mistress the way a man enjoys being a master? I wondered: Why the double standard?
I've spent alot of time thinking about this topic. Maybe I've been hasty in labeling this as a double standard. Maybe using a male sub for penetrative sex is viewed as giving them some sort of power over their Mistress and we just need to be a bit more creative in our thinking. I can understand how some positions could be viewed as "topping" positions and therefore inappropriate. "Mounting" a Mistress does imply some sort of topping behavior. I pondered this dilemma for a bit and came up with solutions that suited me.
1. Male submissives will have penetrative sex with me unless we are in a relationship, not just playing.
2. If I deem the sub worthy of sex with me, they will have to ask for it and pay for it unless it is offered to them as a reward. Payment will come in the form of lashes with whatever instrument I deem necessary. The lashes will be severe - no love taps.
3. I will decide whether or not the sub is allowed to cum during the experience. If I do allow them to cum, they will be required to clean up their mess with their tongue no matter where their deposit is made.
I'm sure situations will present themselves and I will come up with creative solutions as they come along. I truly believe that any and all D/s relationships must be tailored to their participants. I refuse to allow anyone to hold me fast to a set of rules, though I do appreciate them as guidelines and suggestions. My goal here is not to become a "purist" in the lifestyle, but to create my own perfect relationship with all of the emotion that it encompasses. Besides, who can claim to be an expert in this? I'll bet many will claim it, but how many have earned the title of expert? (And really folks, these are rhetorical questions - I've already answered them for myself.)
I speak for myself only, but I think all relationships are like fingerprints. None are the same. Write up all the rules you want, but all of us can't follow them to the letter. I'd like to have a submissive I can love above all others. That's my ultimate goal.
And I'm still looking...
Little Big Update
7 years ago
6 comments:
Fleur-
Just so. It appeared that Emma and scott's posts involved my own prior comments on their blog.
XM just happened to have a rather unusual view of penetrative sex, conditioned by her own past. Thus, with her, I was, after several years, no longer allowed penetrative sex with her, unless she was doing the penetrating. Nor, for that matter, did she wish to be distracted by my own sexual release.
I agree with you- each relationship is unique. How one Mistress trains her submissive may not, and likely will not be, the same as another. I would be very surprised if another Mistress had identical requirements or sexual appetites as XM did. As I commented on Emma's blog subsequently, even among my own Domme friends, XM was a rarity in foregoing any male cock inside her. Most seem to want the feeling, if not the ejaculation.
It's up to the submissive to accept these differences, if he becomes involved with a new Domina, and eagerly present himself to be re-molded to suit his new owner or play partner.
Regards,
-saratoga
Fleur-
Another thought. My friend, MsM, and I discussed this several times over the past few years.
Separately from my own Domina at the time, MsM also held the view that if a boy knew his Mistress wanted his cock inside her, then he did hold some power over her.
Thus, MsM tended to employ various approaches to using her males' cocks, typically ones that left them less than totally satisfied.
She would used topical agents to numb their cocks, or ice their genitals, for example. Or the old standby, using her male's cock as a human dildo, with strict instructions not to move or cum.
What did strike me about her views, admittedly a sample of one, is that they matched mine in feeling that the key was whether or not the male believed his Mistress 'needed' and 'wanted' his cock inside her. Without a lot of training, I'd venture to guess that most males, knowing that, begin to feel a return of some power they had, or hoped they had, transferred to their Mistress.
However, I can also easily imagine, with MsM's ideas as templates, ways in which a Mistress can, in effect, have her (boy's) cock, and control it, too.
Your own comments are also good examples. Making the boy request penetration, pay for the privilege, etc., all involve the male begging for, and suffering consequences of that intimate penetrative union with your Cleft. I'm sure there are others.
Regards,
-saratoga
Ms. Fleur:
This idea of no penetration struck me as odd as well since it has always been some part of a relationship with a Domina.
On some level Dominants and submissives who are not involved in penetrative sex seem to be taking a view of penetration from vanilla sex and from the mainstream societal views. That would seem to be where the issue of a submissive having some power over the Domina comes from.
The issue is really one that will be decided in the context of a particular relationship and based on the Domina's views.
That said, penetrative sex is not a right. It is something the Domina desires. When and how it takes place is her decision. As you noted, you require some price to be paid. This would seem to take away any notion that the submissives has a power over the Domina.
Knowing that Domina desires her submissive would seem to be the most powerful of the motivation for some submissives. Certainly, it has been for me. That seems pretty clearly to establish that the relationship is controlled by the person who ought to be controlling. How a submissive could claim any power or control out of that is baffling to me.
Sincerely,
tig
Tell me love! Are these things which are openly discussed or do you include them in the rule book. I would be curious to know. The reason why I ask is because most men are repulsed by the taste of their own cum
MistressM-
I can't speak for other males, but, ordinarily, the taste of my own spend does repulse me. That's why it is so powerful to be trained to consume it for my Mistress.
As to the earlier comment,
How a submissive could claim any power or control out of that (penetrative sex for the male) is baffling to me , that's simple.
Some males seem to automatically assume that they have some power if their female partner desires their cock inside of her. Whether it's true or not for the female, if it's in the mind of the male thusly, it represents a sort of backsliding of the power transfer. Thus, putting conditions on the act would be likely to redress this. This comes from a few of my Domme friends. But, clearly, it's not univocal.
-saratoga
I like your view that the relationship will determine what type of sex is right for the both of you. It can be a very submissive experience to please a woman through intercourse, and to wonder if your own orgasm will be permitted. Thanks for you views
Post a Comment