Happy Hump Day

It's going to be rough for the next week, so this may be my only post for a few days. We'll see what kind of trouble I can get myself into in between working an obscene number of hours in the next five days. Sorry to those of you who thought I should buy the kick-ass shoes. Overtime makes the debt go away.... and then I can buy a house of my own. The plans for a dungeon are already forming in my head!

It looks like I'm going to have a perfect week. In my world, that means I got my lilly-white European-American behind up every morning at 5am for seven days to run. I find that my right ankle hurts briefly each time. I'm not sure if it's the shoes, my gait or if I'm over/under pronating. It's not horrible, it doesn't last long after I stop running, and therefore not terminal. I'm not a fast runner, but hell. I'm damn proud of myself. I'm looking forward to the annual 5k in August.

Today I put up a new hummingbird feeder. I had noticed I was getting quite a few of the tiny little visitors over the last couple of days looking for my buffet. In between the thunder, lightning and hail today, they've been coming by regularly. It's one of my simple little pleasures. If I sit really still near the feeder and wear mirrored sunglasses, they come close to check me out. They are territorial little things and make quite a high-pitched, chirpy racket. Such balls for something that weighs less than 7 ounces.

So it's hump day. I'm beginning to feel celibate lately. I'm not looking for sex in particular, but I do miss intimacy. I know that for sure because I don't lack for available partners, I just don't have the desire to have sex for the sake of having sex. I can do that for myself, thank you. I have a lovely anal toy - my favorite just because it looks like a small, hard cock. It's similar to the one pictured at left, but a little longer. I've recently grown to like anal sex, but I am even more enthralled with giving it. I've tried to figure out where this came from. I'd have to say that it's not the anal that is the focus here, but the thrill of making someone want something they've always said they would not do. Anal seems to be the most common thing for men, so that's where I seem to have settled.

I was one of those women who, in younger days, said I would NEVER have anal sex. Right around the time I turned 27 I dated a man who changed my perspective. He talked about it, but never in that way that makes a woman roll her eyes and think "oh god, not this AGAIN". He would lie me on my stomach and whisper in my ear, all the while stroking my back, ass and then finally putting slight pressure on the sphincter until I begged him to insert his finger. The first time he refused, building my desire and anticipation for the next time. We broke up before he ever got me to the point of actually putting his cock in my ass. That was where I learned what was involved in getting someone to want to do something they say they don't want, to actually beg for it. It was interesting and thrilling being on that side of it, but it's so much more fulfilling to be on this side. Knowing that your submissive is struggling mentally against doing what he may consider a homosexual act, wanting to feel what it's like and wanting to please his Mistress is an intoxicating thing. Maybe it's a matter of wanting it, but liking the idea of feeling they have no responsibility for making the decision to do it. I've been in that position before - a total relinquishment of responsibility.

Maybe that's why Porter is such a draw for me. He struggles with this so much, but wants it so badly. Watching him surrender to it is very nice indeed.